Forbidden love

Forbidden love/
Are we supposed to be together?/
Forbidden love/
We seal our destiny forever/
Forbidden love

Madonna (sweetie), "Forbidden Love," 2005

Before I delve too deeply into my New Orleans adventures, let's sidetrack for a mo'. "'Mo" as in moment--and maybe even "'mo" as in homosexual. (It's me, after all. I didn't go to the Big Sleazy and lose my voice, ya know.) Let's not allow the day to pass without acknowledging the celebrity gossip that's all over this evening's news, that's got everyone talking and gawking, and that has star-crossed-cultural appeal and conflict galore. Let's celebrate the ultimate forbidden love!

No, I didn't watch Larry King last night, just so you know. Besides, I already covered Star Jones in a previous post, so color me mauve--as in "I've mauved on." The ending of Star and Barbara Walters' nine-year affair is sad, true enough. Especially when there's a lovechild involved--namely, Al Reynolds. But could any of us expect such a star-crossed relationship to endure once Star started doing yoga (so she tells us) and surgery (so now she tells us), throwing her newfound lipstick lesbian style around town? Wasn't it inevitable that our Babs would fall into the loving arms and charms of Rosie O'Donnell?

Poor Joy Behar. Left to her own devices, once again.

Instead, I'm referring to a happier, more sweet than salty kind of celebrity supercouple currently expressing their forbidden love on the global stage. No, not TomKat nor Brangelina--they're sooo fifteen minutes ago. I'm of course talking about GeorJunichiro--the meeting of the minds, the melting of the hearts, the melding of the private parts of none other than U.S. President George Bush and Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi.

Serenading one another with Elvis love songs . . . long walks on the grounds of the now historic landmark that is Graceland . . . admiring pink (pink! the color of gay love!) Cadillacs . . . and having coy photographs taken of themselves with their best galpals, the obviously lesbian mother-daughter bento box of Lisa Marie and Priscilla Presley.

It's a decidedly retro, '50s-styled courtship, but it's the best pairing since canned party cheese and those sweet and savory soy crackers. (A delicacy enjoyed by a former college roommate of mine.) I'll let you guess who brings the Cheez Whiz to the relationship.

Be still my heart. My arteries. And my lunch.

But gay marriage proponents, rejoice! Our nonstop agenda and fabulous lifestyle have brought two more into the fold. Gentlemen and gentlemen, may I present to you the happiest couple of all--Mr. and Mr. Bush-Koizumi. Champagne--and toaster ovens--for everyone!