Thursday, September 13, 2007

Dannielynn has two Daddies

Another day, another celebrity news bulletin, AKA, the news that nobody really needs to know.

As reported today by the Associated Press (slightly edited for space, but not necessarily content):

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Stern Says Book's Gay Sex Claim `Absurd'
By Associated Press

LOS ANGELES - Howard K. Stern says claims in a new book [editor's note: Rita Cosby's tell-all, Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death] that he and Anna Nicole Smith's [other] ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead had a videotaped sexual encounter before her death are absurd and could psychologically damage Smith's infant daughter.

"It's ridiculous. I mean it's absolutely absurd," Stern told ETonline.com.

"Dannielynn is gonna read this garbage and it's almost like she's gonna have to get counseling from the age of 3," Stern said.

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You can read the full story on the AP website, if you so desire.

But before you go, let me get this straight, America, if you'll pardon the expression--

Former celebrity blow-up doll Anna Nicole Smith and celebrity photographer/hair highlights model Larry Birkhead somehow have produced from their comingled seed and egg a veritable baby genius who will be able to access, digest, and react to an archive of tabloid journalism by the tender age of 3?

And further--

Somehow the rumor of her Daddy having a sexual and/or romantic encounter with her almost-Daddy will be more psychologically damaging than, oh say, having your mother pass away when you are only a babe, or, I dunno, having Anna Nicole Smith for a mother in the first place and, oh, gosh, call me crazy, not knowing who your Daddy actually was for the first few months of your life because there were so many freakin' candidates for the role?

First, Heather had two mommies. And now this.

Man, this homosex is powerful shizzle! It can bring the psyches of toddlers, the U.S. government, and the American institutions of marriage and family to their collective knees!


. . . If you'll pardon the expression, Senator Larry Craig.

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