Happy Schaden Gras!

Schadenfreude: \'shä-dən-,frŏi-də\ n, often cap [G, fr. Schaden damage + Freude joy] (1895) 1 : enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others 2 : A dish best served cold 3 : A whole lotta fun

This week, let's celebrate Carnival the German way--by raising a foamy, frosty stein of cheap-and-easy snickering at the public humiliation of the financially fortunate and shame-impaired. Once more with feeling, chug-a-lug these painfully pleasurable and pleasurably painful headlines--

• Gay Has-Been Times (London, U.K.): "George Michael Charged with Face Stubble Offense; Genitalia Remain under House Arrest at This Time"
• Stoners' Anonymous Newsletter (Steamboat Springs, Colo.): "Bode M. Asked to Relinquish American Citizenship and Bong Collection; Après Ski, Rehabs at Norway's Betty Fjord Clinic"
• Guns 'n' Ammo--Middle East Edition (Baghdad, Iraq): "Cheney Smokin'!: How to Shoot First and Say 'Fuck You' Later--the Vice-Presidential Way"
• Overexposure Daily (Los Angeles, Calif.): "Sugar Shocker!: Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson Slip into Diabetic Comas as Saccharine Marriage Dissolves"
• Snowball's Chance Magazine (Gaza, Palestine): "'Not Having a Wonderful Time, Wish I Weren't Here': Condoleezza Rice Winters with Friends in the Middle East"
• Fox News Toady (sic) (Washington, D.C.): "Bush Administration Reveals $10 Billion U.S. Plan to Build 'Way-Back' Machine; Device will Allow President to Return, Erase 2003 Aircraft Carrier Gaff, 'Bring It On.'"

Boo hoo. Tee hee. Herr Bartender, I'll have another, bitte.